bright light, bright light!

I feel as if I need to start by saying, "Yes.  I know we live in Southern California so our paradigm of cold is a little skewed from the rest of the US.  But that doesn't mean that I am not allowed to be cold when it's 50 degrees out."

There.  Now you have context.  It was cold.  We were laying on the ground in the middle of Temecula.  We had blankets and the thermos of coffee (side note: some day ask my dad about the "Thermos Jug").  We were on an adventure!  You see, every 86 years Halley's Comet zooms past Earth.  And every October, the orbit of Earth passes right through the trail that the comet left.  Typically this yields some awesome views of the cosmic litter left behind as it burns up in our atmosphere.  I say typically quite intentionally.

You see, we were out there to witness this shower.  We had done all the research.  25-40 meteors every hour, peak viewing time between 1-2am and dawn, Temecula or Crestline would give the best views without having to drive to the middle of nowhere, we knew it was coming from the upper club of Orion when it was highest in the sky...we knew we'd need lots of coffee and blankets.  We were READY for our adventure.  Alex even made a specific mix on the iPod to play in the car.

So we loaded up the Amigo at 12:30am and headed to Temecula.  On the way there, right in front of us a massive blue meteor left a sweet trail and we thought we were in for a great show.  An hour or so later we were there, blankets out, jackets on, lights off, meteors....meteors....um...where are the meteors?

We layed outside until 4am.  We were determined!  There were a couple good ones, then maybe 8-12 pretty wimpy ones.  Nowhere near the 25-40 per hour!  And there we were, fairly cold, in the middle of Temecula, and I was pretty disappointed.  I mean, we deserved a meteor shower!  We put all that effort in, drove all that way, gave up sleep, and we were entitled to this show!  We earned it!

Wrong.

It's taken me three days to really process what happened that night.  I felt entitled.  I felt cheated.  I felt like I had sacrificed sleep and sanity for something that didn't show.  MY meteor shower was not there. 

The 400 billion stars were in front of my eyes, yet I was disappointed about my 25-40 meteors that I didn't see.  When 400 billion things all at once show you your faults and immaturity, it's a heavy weight to shoulder.

Stars are amazing and wonderous things.  They are so large and so far away and so numerous.  Even in the darkest of deserts, on the clearest of nights, what we see barely scratches the surface of the immensity of space and stars.  Yet every evening, even in the light polluted, smoggy town I live, there are stars above me.  Most night I'm grateful for the 6 stars that I can see (sometimes 5 if I realize it's an airplane), yet for some reason on Tuesday night my immaturity and selfishness shined brighter than the stars right in front of me.

I'd like to turn that light off.  I'd like to relish the darkness and let what really matters shine through.  Sometimes my immaturity dims, sometimes it flares.  My hope is that the times it dims will shadow the times it flares.

Maybe by 2061 when Halley comes back I'll be able to fully appreciate it without my selfish immaturity getting in the way.  Hopefully.