A Whisper in the Background

It was about ten or so years ago that I was riding in the car with my dad and my older brother.  I have no idea where we were going, but naturally, we were listening to good music.  This time it was The Doors "Riders on a Storm."  We were probably in the amazing White Suburban (there are many stories along with that car) and we were listening to the radio when the song came on.  My dad had taught me mountains of valuable knowledge, and it was on this occasion that he felt it was time to teach me yet again.

"Listen," he said, "in the background of the song, he's whispering the words."

I was around 10 years old when this happened.  At the time I smiled a cowardly smile and said, "wow..."  I had NO idea what he was talking about.  I listened as hard as I could, but nothing.  I just heard, "riders on the storm....riders on the storm.....into this house we're born, into this world we're thrown....riders on the storm..."

No whisper.  Just a creepy song.  Fast-forward a few years.  Maybe it was just the technology that had changed, however I would like to think that my maturity took some part, but I was listening to the same song on an iPod.  The first generation.  The goofy looking one with the four buttons on the top.  The song comes on and here I was listening as HARD as I could for this stinkin' whisper.

Voilà!!!  There it was!  Jim Morrison's raspy whisper, hidden behind the guitar!  It was there.  The Doors had come through!

For some people, you'll read this and think: "What the heck are you talking about?  What does this have to do with anything?"  Well....it actually makes perfect sense to me.  And since it's my blog and my blue chair, I can write whatever I please.

I've been thinking about the doors lately.  That is, doors with a little "d"; not Jim Morrison and his band of miscreants.  I'm at a time in my life when doors are all over the place.  But it has taken me a long time to figure out which I am supposed to go through.  I know that soon, very soon, the door that I am in will be closing.  I'm in the threshold and I can feel the door closing and bumping my heels.

I feel like I've been searching for a while, and it wasn't until recently that I could finally hear the whisper behind the door.  I was afraid that the door would close and I'd be left outside.  That's not a comfortable feeling, especially for the soon-to-graduate, newly-married, male.  There's something about not knowing what's going to happen next, that terrifies men.  And for those of you men that disagree, I call you a liar.  God designed in us a drive to sustain, a drive to comfort, a drive to protect, a drive to provide.  And when we don't know how that's going to work out, it's scary.

But recently I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out the door that God has for me.  And I think I found the direction.  That doesn't mean I found the door.  It simply means, "set sail in a...uh...a general...that way! direction." 

We have our heading.  It's not a "compass that doesn't point north", by which I find guidance.  It's the whisper behind the door.  I can finally hear it.  I know it's out there.  I'm catching up.  Somewhere down the hall there is the door God is waiting for me to open.  It's frustrating that along the way that I'll find door after door to be locked.  But now that I know there is a door out there, it only strengthens my resolve.  I just need to listen carefully.  I'll find it.

Weeding.

When I was young, relatively speaking, there was a fairly large field at the end of my street. (at this point in the post my mom is saying, "ooooohhh" with a small smile).  Anyways, this field was affectionately referred to as the "corn field".  Hours and hours of play happened in this field.  Between crops, we'd go hit dirt clots with baseball bats.  The explosion of dust and dirt was amazing.  In Spring, flowers and and weeds would come up and cover the entire field.  We'd carve trails through it to get to the park or school.  Our bike adventures through it ended in our chains wrapped with vines.  One time the farmer even chased us with his tractor. 

The crops, mostly corn and squash, were good, I guess.  We didn't have much need for it though, other than the occasional trip to the "store" to grab a squash to put in our dinner.  It was the weeds that looked cool and were fun to hide or ride in.  But the plain dirt field that sometimes would yeild it's treasures of random couches, dirt fights, and the occasional game involving fire (sorry mom), was where most of the fun was.  As the years went by the farmer seemed to disappear and the crops went by the wayside.  The cycle of dirt and weeds followed for a few years.  There was one season in particular that the weeds went rampant. They grew taller than me - not a huge feat at the time - and it was then that they were no longer fun.  They were just menacing.  We couldn't get through the field without coming out the other side looking like a war victim.  Your clothes would tear, bugs and dirt got in your eyes, and the quick trip to Smith's for a sample of Golden Spoon just wasn't worth it anymore.

Weeds. Thicker than your arm, taller than a 10-year-old, infested with spiders; they were terrible.  Yet at the top of each was this little yellow flower bloom.  As you drove by you'd think, "wow that's kinda pretty."  But in truth, they were disgusting.  Completely useless.  No crop yeild, no potential of play, no purpose whatsoever.

So was the little yellow flower on top worth the inconvenience of the weeds?  To the outside observer, yes.  But they only looked on from the outside.  To the 10-year-old, surrounded by them, those weeds were awful.  The spider bites, torn clothes, choked bike chains, and getting lost wasn't worth the pretty yellow flower.

Little and much has changed since then.  Developers dug out the field and built houses.  The field is no longer there.  The weeds never really left though; they've just shifted through the years.  How they manifest is different each season.  And each one is topped with it's own unique mask of a pretty yellow flower.

45

It's been 45 days since I've last visited this place.  And to be honest I don't really have the organization of mind to communicate one cohesive thought.  So today I have a different plan.  In no particular order, this is my life right now:

1) Thanksgiving was awesome.  Spent time with family but I missed my Opa.
2) My psych of family class seemed like a waste of money.
3) I am truly blessed by my incredible wife.  We've been married for 516 glorious days.
4) Brittney and I got a grown up tree this year that stood a grand total of 5 feet.
5) I got a fireplace DVD.
6) Finals took over my life this year in a way that was almost too much to bear.
7) One of the days during finals week consisted of 11 hours in the library writing a paper.
8) I much rather prefer the rocking type chairs than the 4-legged chairs.
9) I haven't opened my Bible on my own in a few weeks.
10) My friend turned 23 and we celebrated in style.
11) I got a two week break off of school.
12) During that break I actually got to read a book that wasn't assigned.
13) I used to have asthma in high school.  I found out yesterday that it's back.
14) Brittney and I gave banana bread to Pedro and I've been thinking about a lot him lately.
15) I've given up coffee and alcohol for the month of January.
16) I'm struggling with the "life schedule" that I think God has in store for us.
17) I got to visit with my Mom, John, and Kayla just before New Year's.
18) Over the visit my wife turned 21.
19) I went out and got drinks with all 6 of my parents and my wife.
20) The weather has been weird lately.  I hope it's cold for my birthday.
21) My left ear just started ringing.
22) The break ended just as suddenly and now I'm in a class called Christ and Contemporary Culture.
23) As of right now (a couple haven't posted) I am super proud of my grades from last semester.
24) Brittney and I are each taking an interterm class.  Each day of class is equal to a week and a half in the regular semester.
25) I'm almost 23 and I'm scared of what is going to happen after I graduate.
26) Brittney and I didn't take a single picture this Christmas.  Oops.
27) Brittney's computer is almost dead.  I think we'll get her a netbooks soon.
28) Dad, Doe, and Oma are taking all the kids to Solvang for a weekend for our Christmas present.  I'm super excited!
29) Brittney and I got to have breakfast together this week and lunch yesterday.  It's been some awesome "dates".
30) I was offered more hours at work over the break so I'm trying to cram in as many as I can while still balancing getting my homework done and spending time with my wife.
31) Brittney has been an amazing encouragement to me the past few weeks.
32) Mom and John gave me a digital cable converter as an "early birthday present", and I got to enjoy the Rose Parade in the morning.
33) My priorities have shifted in the past few weeks.  The clutter doesn't make or break my day.
34) My left ear stopped ringing.
35) Brittney and I found a used Nintendo64.  Our late night nap has turned into an epic MarioKart race.
36) I'm finding a nice relief in sitting here typing.
37) It's the small times of family Wii bowling or Apples to Apples that created the best memories of the holidays for me.
38) I miss coffee.  It's only been a few days.
39) The toes on my sandals are starting to wear through.
40) My goal is to continue to visit this chair once a week.
41) I've realized that I do appreciate Biola.  I know I'm cynical most of the time but I am pretty blessed.
42) I've started to have a new fascination with WWII.
43) I'm not a huge football fan but I'm excited about playoffs.  It's great times of sitting with my pops and enjoying some munchies.
44) The next few months will be full of job hunting.  If you have a lead or an offer, please let me know.
45) The past few weeks have had some incredible sunsets.  I've been thankful for the art show each evening by our amazing Creator.

This was a nice change.  I missed this outlet.